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Cupids Bullseye: $545 Exclusive ICJUK Giveaway

By on February 3, 2014 in Goodies

Happy pre-Valentines Day (another- Don’t dress like a slut day). If you heard my interview on The Modern Dater, then you know I don’t love this holiday. It is not because I am single and bitter because when I had a hot boyfriend – I hated the holiday. You can ask him? He is probably still sitting in the same chair, with the same shocked looked on his face when I left him at a five star restaurant some years back. People – we do not need Hallmark to tell each other when we should be nice. It should happen… Continue Reading

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Grammys: Sink or Swim?

By on January 26, 2014 in LALA Land, Snarky

I wake up this morning and am super pissed that I don’t have a Master Card in my wallet. Actually, I am also a little irritated with my wallet staying out all weekend at a friend’s house. I left my wallet there on Thursday and have been confined to the house and sustaining on left over Halloween candy since I have no MONEY to buy any food. It is ok but I am going to be pissed if I can’t fit into my outfit for tonight. Oh that is right? A pair of tickets to the Grammys, preshow and after… Continue Reading

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$200 RETRO BRAND Gear Giveaway!

By on January 17, 2014 in Goodies

Exciting news today! So, you all know that I am a rocker, love college basketball (especially my #1 Arizona Wildcats), pop-culture, baseball and beer! That is a given. For a while now, I have been a HUGE fan of a clothing company that was created by a fellow University of Arizona Wildcat alumnus, Marc Herman. Marc’s company, Retro Brand produces KICK ASS gear for snarky people like you and me! Retro Brand and Melanysguydlines are giving you the chance to win $200 buckeroos to buy whatever your little heart desires on their site!  THIS IS AWESOME! I have a bunch… Continue Reading

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Bye Cold But, I’m Keeping the Funny, Sexy Voice!

By on January 15, 2014 in Relationships
Prince charming is living with mr right

I am back from Vegas and have a cold. It is not fantastic because I am still hungry but can’t taste anything so forget about losing weight while sitting here with my thumb up my ass.  It is not awesomely dehydrating like the stomach flu where you magically lose 5 pounds. It is more like I am bloated like a puffer fish from the sodium in soup I have been ordering from the local LA Delicatessens. At least I have been able to catch up on taxes, which may actually be the worst thing in life besides moving or a… Continue Reading

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Bitch on Plane & Graziano Mob Wives Meat Cleavers?

By on January 10, 2014 in Relationships
get off cell phone

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Hello, hello! I am back in LALAland and just in time to rock out to some 80’s rock n’ roll tonight! Stephen Pearcy from Ratt and roll is playing at the Whisky and how could I miss it? Well I am not! I lucked out and jumped on an earlier plane yesterday so that I could get home and apply all the new social media and blogging knowledge to this blog! Of course, I had a lady on my plane who thought that she was the only person on the aircraft. She was no Alec… Continue Reading

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Happy Holidays, Congrats & Giveaways for 2014!

By on December 27, 2013 in Goodies
happy holidays and congrats

Happy “weird days between Christmas and New Years Day where no one is really working” and I missed the memo! I just realized that I have been working for the last two hours without the sweet tunes of Tesla or Ratt in my ears so I am going to make this short and sweet (like Teddy Brewski and I). Congratulations to Laurel from WA! She is the winner of the Kindle Fire HD! I am so stoked for her! Thank you to EVERYONE who entered, supported, commented, liked, followed, and rocked this contest! I am on my way to send… Continue Reading

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Dating Hall of Shame VIP

By on December 16, 2013 in Relationships

Here is a SUPER special (I mean SPECIAL, but not in a good way) nod to this dipshit into the Dating Hall of Shame VIP Platinum club! I have to give this guy an A+ for effort and an F for being the F@#$#@ing most oblivious and annoying online and texting dater ever!  DUDE  – get a clue! I have not answered 1 text from you EVER and the first one here was dated back in September. If I didn’t live in LA, I would probably be married to a huge, successful, fantastic, man by now. We could be living… Continue Reading

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Back in LALAland: Hollyweird

By on December 11, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

While you are reading this, there is a good possibility that I am still waiting for YouTube to upload a 5 minute video. You would think in this day and age I would just have to clap and it would be uploaded. You know like the clapper? Clap on, clap off. WTF is going on here? So, while I wait for one of the most painful experiences in life (waiting for a telephone/internet/cable repair man to show up and fix something properly the first time) you are going to have to watch this video I snuck through the internet waves… Continue Reading

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Color Me Bad: Naughty or Nice

By on December 5, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Hello MG fans. So, I have been slammed since my return from Arizona and the holiday season madness. I am doing my best to catch up with publicist requests, tinder matches (separate blog post for this and there are more perverts to be discovered every day), training Teddy Brewski, thinking of YouTube videos for your viewing pleasure, not eating the entire house, and needing a wheelbarrow to go to the gym. As I have mentioned to you in the past, I will only write about things publicists send me that I find interesting and funny. About a month ago, two… Continue Reading

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Thanksgiving 2013 – Thanks & almost full

By on November 28, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

So, it is time for me to write another Thanksgiving post. I can’t believe that I have been writing this blog long enough and with success to be able to do another installment of “What I am thankful for….” 2014 installment. I wish I could say this year has been easy but it has not. I work my ass off everyday on this entertainment thing and am so proud of what I have accomplished. I wish more people would actively support! Every bit helps. Yeah – I am talking to you and YOU! So, like, thumbs up, share, subscribe, and… Continue Reading

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Melany’s Movember Mutterings

By on November 19, 2013 in LOL, Snarky

I have had a very busy week and wanted to blog about some of the highlights and things I observed along the way. These may be a bit random but welcome to the inner workings of my overactive brain. -Gyms are weird. People do strange things there. Like jump onto machines and look uncoordinated and uncomfortable performing physical motions at inappropriate speeds. When these motions look as they are injuring several parts of their bodies, it probably is injuring several parts of their bodies. If you look like a spaz on the machine, I am sure that you end up… Continue Reading

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Boot Camp: Dogs, Frienemies, Unfollowers, & Assholes

By on November 13, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

I posted another video for your viewing pleasure. My educated guess is that more people like watching 3-4 minute clips of my animated self than reading 500-750 plus words of carefully, detailed, humorous stories. That’s Ok. I can be included in this majority sometimes so I won’t hold it against you. People always ask what my blog/vlog is about? It is humor people! Snarky humor! While on my vacation (what a joke – have not had one day without and appointment since I have been here) I took advantage of an amazing dog training school opportunity for my beloved Teddy… Continue Reading

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