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Funny Sayings That Make You Go HUH? In The Night

funny old saying

I was sitting at a bar last night, drinking my goose and soda while Bret Michaels sang to me, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and I wondered what the hell is he talking about because roses have way more than just one thorn? The cliché sayings that sound beautiful screeched in a high pitch tone, out of longhaired rocker’s mouths don’t always make sense. Yet, we sing and say things like these all the time. We use weird sayings to make sense of situations when we don’t understand or can’t explain what the hell is going on in any other way. Old sayings have been around forever and still apply today because people are weird and do stupid shit. History repeats itself (and there is another one) but so do stupid people who do stupid things so these terms come in handy. Here are some sayings and the immediate random thoughts that populate in the squishy, overthinking, ADD and OCD thing between my ears. -Karma is a bitch! So am I. But, if she is such a bitch – where has she been hiding… Continue Reading

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Dating: 16 Reasons I Swiped & X’d Your Face on Tinder

I first heard about Tinder, the dating app, a few years back when I saw a super risqué AD on a billboard driving down Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. Someone told me that it was just a hook up site for guys that were not interested in me – just interested in each other. So, I disregarded this little app for quite sometime until a friend suggested I give it a try a few months back. To my surprise there were a lot of guys looking for girls and I threw my hat in the ring. Why not? Right? It really… Continue Reading

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10 Snarky Rules for Dating My Owner: Woofed by Teddy Brewski

dating tips

Happy day after the 4th of July aka July 5, 2014. I am writing to you from HOT Arizona and was supposed to be unpacking these past few days but my AC is non operable, neither toilets are working and I had more than enough creepy crawlies in my place that I had to check into a hotel. There is more to this story and is a contender for the Greatest Hits section but I wanted to post something super cute today. While I am in the process of shuffling clothes, shoes and purses from one area code to another,… Continue Reading

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Calling ALL Psycho Friend/Frienemy stories for new video series!

pyscho friend stories

Calling all psycho friends stories!!!! You know that friend or frienemy? We all have one person that went cray-cray on us a time or two or three (and for some of us lucky people even more than that). I want you to tell me your story about a friend who turned crazy because I am filming a series with fellow humor blogger and twitter celeb- D.J. Paris of Thoughts From Paris. We have been discussing how we can meld our funnies together for a long time now and one of the first “thoughts” we had were “guydlines” for dealing with… Continue Reading

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41 Things Before The Alarm Rings

I am up but the rest of my body is sleeping. You know when you get up and you should go back to bed but you don’t because you have 41 things on your mind for the day? Yeah – that’s me every day! I never said these things were important to everyone – don’t judge, or do, because we all do. This was written at 6:00AM so here is a little peak into my early morning mind for the day….. 1. Get up before the dog. If Teddy Brewski hears me walking around before 7AM I will never get… Continue Reading

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Top 9 Snarky Tweets, Social Media Funnies & Guydline “Get Lucky” # 69

Funny and snarky

Time flies! Welcome to Guydline post #69 -lets hope this is a lucky number for us all!  Seriously, it feels like I just pulled into Scottsdale, Arizona and I am leaving tomorrow to drive back to LA. These past 5 days flew by but not to worry because I will be back soon-really soon. I am going to change things up a little and get rid of all that trash I told you all about in my B-day post. Happy to share that I am keeping my Birthday present to myself and it will be the BEST present ever. Since… Continue Reading

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Dating & Relationships in Hollywood (Hollyweird): So Cliché, But This Is LA

Dating & Relationships in Hollywood (Hollyweird): So Cliché, But This Is LA

People always ask me how I decide what to write in my blog posts. It is sad to say but there is no lack of bad dating or “frienemy” stories of the past, present, (and am sure the future -at the rate I am going). All I really need to do is look in my backyard at this crazy world to start typing away on my laptop. If I could have a podcast recording device attached to my brain of what I really think in daily life navigating the over-packed and even bumpier roads on the way to my office… Continue Reading

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Win $300 of Art from UGallery – Your Choice!

U Gallery

HI! Happy one week before my B’day….and I am off to Las Vegas.  I am packed. If I don’t have it  – I will buy it. But, before I leave I have more gifts for all of you! I wouldn’t leave the snarky people without something fun to chew on for the weekend. You know me better than that! I promised you something different last week and I am here to deliver the good news! Remember that cool site UGallery I introduced you to a few posts back? Well, Melanysguydlines and UGallery are bringing you a special chance to win… Continue Reading

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Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

Do-Do’s & Don’ts of Dating: Don’t Pee On My Parade

Since I did win in the Sex, Dating and Relationships category yesterday I thought I would share with you a funny ditty. Here goes…. You know how bad and non-existent dating is in the city of angels because I have told you over and over again. So, why not import someone? I did just that with my last tour mate. He hailed from the desert and we had known each other for quite sometime so I thought that this could be a real keeper until our last rendez vous ended in disaster somewhere between the Boulevard of Broken Dreams and… Continue Reading

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It’s Hot in Here: Snarky Summer Top Picks

ACTTOP Picks

……(Try and say that title fast – I dare you!) Well, time is flying by this year. The older I get the faster it goes. I have been blogging and social media– ing away and now it is post Mother’s Day, a few weeks closer to another 30ish’ish Bday, Father’s Day and my awesome (and patient) parent’s anniversary. If you keep up with me on social media (you should if you don’t because you are missing out on great stuff) you can see that I have been traveling like crazy. But, never fear I am here to combine the best… Continue Reading

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Getting A Second Date: The Real Truth Part 2

And without further ado…..PART 2 to Getting A Second Date: The Real Truth. If you did not read PART 1 – you should! 4. Manners/Doesn’t Know Shit/Full of Shit -She thinks that if she is indecisive and acts like she doesn’t know what to order while at dinner that it makes her date feel more like a man and being courteous to his wallet. Unfortunately, the only thing this does is annoy him and makes him want to jump out the nearest window (which is nearby their “best” table he has so cleverly arranged with the host while being early)…. Continue Reading

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Getting a Second Date: The Real Truth

  So, you want to know how to get a second date? Before you can “want” a second date you need to successfully survive and impress on the first one, right? I am willing to bet that no one willingly goes out on first dates just to go on one date. First dates are awkward no matter how drunk you get (and that could lead to a more awkward second date but that is a different post). They are by far one of the most uncomfortable situations so it is fair to assume most of us go on a first… Continue Reading

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