Top

Subscribe!

Snarky

One hit wonder- Dummy Wins Rasta Banana

By on May 9, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

To most of you, Henry Gribbohm, is not a household name.  But this week’s One Hit Wonder spent his entire lifesavings; all $2,600 of it on a game call “Tubs of Fun”.  Gribbohm, was trying to win an X-box Kinect, but what this dummy didn’t realize was that he could have bought about 13 Kinects with his so called life savings.  Now all this poor soul has to show is a banana with dreadlocks that he seems to take better care of than this 2 year old. I’m trying to figure out what everyone else here is thinking, how does… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

Matt’s Guydlines to Being a Rock Star (Pt. 1 : The Instrument)

By on May 4, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

I fell down another internet rabbit hole the other night, you guys.  I never can remember where these things start, but I can tell you roughly where it ended before I passed out with a pile of jelly beans in the little makeshift crib of my jacket.  It’s worth noting that Kobe Bryant has played an exponentially more significant role in my life since I’ve moved to Los Angeles.  So it’s not totally random that I read this ridiculously compelling article on Grantland about Kobe’s attempt at a rap career.  He’s definitely not the first athlete (or actor, politician etc.)… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

Van Halen in Las Vegas: I am with the band

By on April 29, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

Ah Las Vegas! I have spent many days and nights in my favorite city doing all types of unimaginable things. One of my most memorable “vacays” in sin city was not a vacation at all. When I worked in the illustrious music business, marketing rock bands, I was presented with an offer “to work” a show that I could not refuse. I am talking about Van Halen people. You know who they are, right? Well, one of the first tours I ever had the privilege of working on was Van Halen (not with Diamond Dave but with the Red Rocker… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

Vegas : “The Great Unimaginable”

By on April 25, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Unless you’re occupying a comfy space underneath a rock, you’ve noticed we’re giving away a weekend getaway package to Las Vegas.  As we were throwing around ideas for new content, the focus was on our individual experiences with Sin City.  While Emily wondered how she could possibly spin an appropriate Vegas tale (is there such a thing?), I quietly inhaled my cigarette a little more aggressively.  You see, my life to this point has been a little….sheltered.  Summer is coming up around the corner….and that’s pretty cool, I suppose.  There was a point in my life where this was significant… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0

Guydlines for Coachella… How avoid Looking Like a Stupid White Boy

By on April 24, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Amongst a sea of Urban Outfitters and white kids dressed as Indians was the world’s largest music festival.  Hosting over 80,000 people and bands most of us have never heard of, we decided Coachella goers needed a few guydlines to help them survive the weekend. Coachella Guydline #1: Go with an open mind, but please, beware of any guy who wants to show you his “wand”. Coachella Guydline #2: Find sensible shoes, you might step on acid and wake up 5 days later in the middle of the desert wondering what the hell happened to you. Coachella Guydline #3: Opt… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 1

Female Lakers Fans

By on April 24, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

Alright, as this painful seasons continues I cannot go any longer without giving a breakdown of the female fans. I’ve had enough of your generic tweets and conveniently timely statuses to believe that all of you are true fans. So here ya go.. my views on girls who are Los Angeles Laker fans. Girls who don’t know and don’t care I mean, at least these girls are honest. They don’t pretend to know who the players are or clog our news feed with fake statuses pretending they care. Its okay! You’re allowed to live in Los Angeles and not scream at… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

One hit wonder of the week: Reese Witherspoon

By on April 23, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky
Reese Witherspoons mugshot

Why, Reese? Why? You had everything. You had a well-deserved title as an all-American girl, the healthiest blonde locks in Hollywood and the best Southern twang I’ve heard in a long time. Then you dyed your hair dirt brown, married a no name and got yourself arrested for being a rude, inconsiderate drunkard. I never thought you’d be on my one hit wonder list, but your behavior earns you a top spot on today’s agenda. I’ll give it to you straight, Reese. I expected better from you. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s celebrities who think they’re above… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

Bodyguard or Photobomb?

By on April 21, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Lindsey Lohan

Living in southern California means a lot of things; we do yoga, juice cleanses, we’re ‘sooo chillllll’, but mostly it means that we get to see celebrities on the reg. It’s not unusual to see Justin Bieber speeding around Calabasas or Slash eating sushi at Katsuya. Well a couple weeks ago, I was lucky enough to spot the one and only, disheveled Lindsay Lohan partying at a club in San Diego. The good thing about being in with the industry is knowing the promoters, bouncers and all of the bottle services girls who have the inside scoop. I was out… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

The “Blondetourage” welcomes the Dark Side -Emily S.

By on April 18, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

There is more exciting news for Melanysguydlines.com this week! Not only were we chosen to be a part of Blogads Network; home to Perez Hilton, Lamebook, Dlisted, and Popoholic but we have added a new blogger. What makes our new blogger, Emily S. different from the rest? She is a brunette (but we won’t hold that against her because blondes totally have more fun) and she is a Los Angeles native. She brings us some juicy dirt on growing up in the entertainment business – the good, the bad, and the plain weird. We got along from the start as… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 1

Paranormal Movie Out Today: So funny it’s scary

By on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Paranormal Activity

“Hello – yeah, ummmm WHAT? You want to film a movie at my house, uhhhh YEAH –hello?’ True conversation that happened right before my life got weird(er) and Kevin Farley’s film, “Paranormal Movie” moved into my home. Yes, the entire movie and everyone in my house, with ME. The producers told me the movie was going to be easy and that they didn’t need to bother the city of Beverly Hills with “all that crap”. So, when I opened my front door and saw a Pepsi semi-trailer-truck in my driveway preparing to unload enough soda to quench the thirst of… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 4

Melanysguydlines.com Team: Snarky true life experts

By on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Snarky team of melanysguydlines.com

Yesterday, the Melanysguydlines.com team met for the fist time at the Roosevelt Hotel Pool in Hollywood for a windy and long lunch (with beer and grey goose sodas). I am so proud of what has been accomplished here in under a year! This process has been hard work but I am starting to see it pay off! I hope that you have enjoyed my journey thus far and continue to laugh with us about the stupidity of people, craziness of life, chaos of dating and navigating this totally trippy world with a huge helping of snark. Life is too hard… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 2

MG’s house of snark: Welcomes intern Libby D

By on April 7, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Intern for Melanysguydlines

I am so proud to tell you all that the Melanysguydlines.com family is growing in leaps and bounds. Since I only lasted in my sorority for a week (because I didn’t care what way food needed to be passed around a table and was a horrible follower) it is only fitting that I have a pledge in the MG house. I am going to rush her like she should be rushed and groom her to be the best MG mini me ever! We hope that she can stay a while but are happy to have her for as long as… Continue Reading

Continue Reading 0