Well, I made it through another birthday celebration with only 1 more wrinkle, right? Life has been a crazy roller coaster ride and I am not sure which out of my 9 lives I am on, but they are getting more entertaining each and every day. Thank you again for all the love and snarky support for my blog! You all rock! I know that I have a lot of pics of Mel G on here so I thought I would invite you to see some actual photos of my friends and moi. Oh, and some kick ass shoes too…. Continue Reading
I decided to take a break from LALA land to attend the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Marketing conference in the land of people who make too much money and feel extremely entitled (a.k.a. I would never touch them with a 10 foot pole because I am not attracted to nerds who are assholes because they were so nerdy when they were young and have to overcompensate now that they have money) or the social media community. After spending almost a week in San Francisco I did not conclude that in fact #nerdsdoitbetter. They just don’t. I thought I should give you… Continue Reading
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY AND WE ARE CELEBRATING ONE YEAR FOR MELANYSGUYDLINES.COM!! I CANT BELIEVE HOW FAR WE HAVE COME IN A SHORT YEAR. IT HAS BEEN A LOT OF HARD WORK, SWEAT, TEARS, LAUGHTER, AND SOME OTHER (@!@#$#$%) WORDS! “What a Long Strange Trip It Has Been” – ain’t that the truth? But only SNARKY bitches get an entire birthday WEEK! Hope you have taken away a few good “guydlines” for your life that make you laugh! They have helped me digest this crazy life that CHOSE me. It keeps getting weirder every day and I never have a… Continue Reading
Alright people, round 2. In the month or so since Pt. 1 – The Instrument was published, you should have been able to master your weapon of choice. Remember, talent is a negligible factor in this equation. Strap on that stringed conundrum and get your ass in front of a mirror. Work on your stance, eyebrow gestures and hip gyrations. Once everything is complementing each other in a hyper-sexualized communion, it’s time to tackle one of the most untamable elements of your rock persona – The Hair. If there’s one steadfast piece of advice I can impart on you in… Continue Reading
Tonight, Melany’s Guydlines (@melanyb12) will hit 3,000 followers, and we here at the office are shamelessly proud. What’s better than having scores of hilarious “friends” to bolster your internet notoriety? It’s 2013 man, if you don’t have an online posse, you’re a nobody. Seriously though, we’ve been lucky enough to read some funny shit thanks to some snarky virtual companions. From this point forward we’re going to make a habit of throwing some of our favorite twitter accounts a bone to show our appreciation for your follow. Five Followers That Crack Us Up @chucklesdowner Take your old rickety tweet from… Continue Reading
Before you embark on your long Memorial Day weekend festivities, I wanted to leave you with a big smile on your face and I know exactly how to do that! This may be my favorite request so far and I could not turn down this opportunity. I am single (still)! Here you go….. Introducing, Josh Button – model, spicy food addict, dog lover, and a HOT GUY. I’m sure you’ve noticed all of the companies using hot guys to market to women, even when their products don’t seem to require a hot guy. DIET Dr Pepper’s new spot, “Josh Button,”… Continue Reading
I just can’t get on top of my work but am so excited to be presented with a lot of snarky opportunities that I will be able to share like my upcoming interview with a top Matchmaker for VIP and celebrity clients. Her name is Sherri Murphy and her Elite agency matched up the infamous Latoya Jackson on the OWN network (heard of Oprah before?). I am a little leery of matchmakers. You remember my experience with a matchmaker and how I was set up with a guy who played for the other team? Hope Sherri does a better job… Continue Reading
I’ll be completely honest with you, I had absolutely no plans of the Billboard Music Awards even registering on my conscious this morning. On occasion, I’ll pull up the award results in the days following and snicker at media I’ve never consumed earning trophies for their supposed brilliance. A few awards will always carry some social significance – the Grammy, the Oscar, or the Emmy – and even a few performances have managed to carve out some space in my memory. For the most part, however, we’re thrown corporate fodder at a runtime well north of a Yankees/Red Sox game…. Continue Reading
It’s no secret that branding makes the world go round. On a daily basis, we’re exposed to up to 20,000 marketing messages, and most pass right under our nose without us even realizing it. There’s the obvious ones, like the clothes we wear or the car we drive. But how about the laundry list of celebrity hot sauces? Or Shannon Doherty pledging the merits of an online education? I know my dog only eats food that passed Rachael Ray’s rigorous quality standards. For whatever reason, one product that has become synonymous with the celebrity endorsement in recent years are the headphones…. Continue Reading
Like a naturally occurring phenomenon, it looks like we have another celebrity meltdown on our hands. The sudden collapse of Amanda Bynes is predictable, yet fascinating. Of course, these things aren’t actually a force of nature, but a product of our perpetual infatuation with stars, particularly those we watch grow up in front of our eyes. Recall your awkward teenage years? Imagine if every day, that stage was under a microscope for snarky housewives to digest like rice cakes. I stumble through cases of writers block without the pressures of constant public attention, so imagine how it must feel to… Continue Reading
As most of you know, my heart pumps to the beat of music and I bleed rock n roll! My background is rock music and I have been blessed to work with some very cool (and some not so cool) bands along the way. I know you enjoy reading about my trials and tribulations working in music business and I can tell you that there are a lot more blog posts about past music experiences to follow. But, one of the coolest parts about this blogging journey is that new and amazing opportunities present themselves each and every day. Some… Continue Reading
This weekend while you sit at your local dive and try to make sex eyes at the only person in the room that’s remotely passable, our intern Libby will be donning the cap and gown on the big stage at Loyola Marymount University. A momentous occasion for any young adult. Take for instance this tasteful tweet from yours truly on the day of my graduation. (Cover your eyes Melany’s Mom) Purdue commencement : Why the fuck didn't any of you tell me to skip this? — Matthew Shawn Bailey (@SonofHilljack) August 4, 2012 Forewarning Libby, everything changes when you step… Continue Reading
