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Get On The Good Foot: Observations from a Rocker

Get on the Good Foot by James Brown is my jam

I learned a few things this weekend. 1. Melany is a very popular porn star name and I know this because when Google-ing my name (with the letter “Y” at the end) you will not find it on a Coke bottle, key chain but will find that it is a chosen name for a lot of porn stars. Just look at the images. Google it. See me in the midst of those women. Yeah. So, mom has looked into changing this melodic spelling for me legally. I will keep you updated. DISCLAIMER: I am not a porn star. Melanys is… Continue Reading

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Funny Sayings That Make You Go HUH? In The Night

funny old saying

I was sitting at a bar last night, drinking my goose and soda while Bret Michaels sang to me, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” and I wondered what the hell is he talking about because roses have way more than just one thorn? The cliché sayings that sound beautiful screeched in a high pitch tone, out of longhaired rocker’s mouths don’t always make sense. Yet, we sing and say things like these all the time. We use weird sayings to make sense of situations when we don’t understand or can’t explain what the hell is going on in any other way. Old sayings have been around forever and still apply today because people are weird and do stupid shit. History repeats itself (and there is another one) but so do stupid people who do stupid things so these terms come in handy. Here are some sayings and the immediate random thoughts that populate in the squishy, overthinking, ADD and OCD thing between my ears. -Karma is a bitch! So am I. But, if she is such a bitch – where has she been hiding… Continue Reading

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Read These Tweets While You Sheet

snarky tweets

Twitter. You do it, get it, are addicted to it and prefer it to Facebook or you are scared of it because you don’t know “how” to tweet. For some reason, Twitter is like the Chupacabra of social media conquering. It is like an endless labyrinth and David Bowie may live there but I haven’t followed him yet. One of the most common questions people ask me is can I “teach” them how to tweet. Really? Do you have thoughts in your brain? Good. Then, sit down, sign up and tweet whatever is in your head. Find things you like… Continue Reading

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19 Things That Make Moving Worse Than It Already Is

19 things that make moving suck

It is 4:45 AM and I am writing to you from my mass exodus from a place called Cricketville. I have been there and none of you need to go there. Take my word for it. I have experience with creepy crawlies and in the past week I felt them crawling all over. You know? That horrible feeling you have when you can’t decide where to itch first because “something” is crawling ALL OVER YOUR BODY and won’t go away. Not to worry! I have found my salvation in a hotel called the Valley Ho until I can be safely… Continue Reading

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41 Things Before The Alarm Rings

I am up but the rest of my body is sleeping. You know when you get up and you should go back to bed but you don’t because you have 41 things on your mind for the day? Yeah – that’s me every day! I never said these things were important to everyone – don’t judge, or do, because we all do. This was written at 6:00AM so here is a little peak into my early morning mind for the day….. 1. Get up before the dog. If Teddy Brewski hears me walking around before 7AM I will never get… Continue Reading

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Top 9 Snarky Tweets, Social Media Funnies & Guydline “Get Lucky” # 69

Funny and snarky

Time flies! Welcome to Guydline post #69 -lets hope this is a lucky number for us all!  Seriously, it feels like I just pulled into Scottsdale, Arizona and I am leaving tomorrow to drive back to LA. These past 5 days flew by but not to worry because I will be back soon-really soon. I am going to change things up a little and get rid of all that trash I told you all about in my B-day post. Happy to share that I am keeping my Birthday present to myself and it will be the BEST present ever. Since… Continue Reading

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My Birthday Date: A Little Ass

Melanysguydlines gets some ass for birthday

It is 7:45PM on my 30ish ish ish Birthday. YEAH ME!  It has not been as snarky as I would have hoped because I am feeling a little under the weather. I am totally sure it has nothing to do with the Madness that ensued in Las Vegas in my last post?? Right? Read it. It’s funny and entertaining.   I did want to say a big “THANK YOU” to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday today and the entire week before! One of my bff’s said she was wondering if she lost her mind when people started wishing… Continue Reading

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Relationship Status: Viva La “Rock N’ Roll” Vegas

I just got back from Las Vegas and my Birthday is tomorrow so I thought I would do a review in pics and video for you snarky people. Isn’t it so much fun to view the madness in living color? Here goes. The first night in Las Vegas, I went Beacher’s Madhouse at the MGM with a friend who lives in Sin City. Please note, that she has a little bit of a fear (not of clowns) but of little people. I’ll let the pics do the talking! I recommend going to this club, which is super popular with celebs,… Continue Reading

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Same Old Story: Too Much, Too Skinny, Too Dumb, or Too Too

Random post. I wonder why every time I wear no makeup – I get hit on? But, if I am dressed to the nines guys seem to duck under tables. It is so weird. Does wearing makeup make me unapproachable? Or do guys just really like to pick up on girls that look young? I mean every time I am sans makeup I get carded. Thank you – this is awesome but I am totally confused by it. I get carded without makeup often (even though I think this is a quasi-creepy attempt for the bouncer to get all my… Continue Reading

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Billboard Music Awards 2014: What Music?

Well, that wraps up another Billboard Music Awards show in Las Vegas for moi and the final one I attend until Metallica, Godsmack, Shinedown, KORN, Soundgarden, Staind, Drowning Pool, Black Sabbath, Dokken, Disturbed, Ratt, Guns N Roses, Tesla, Otherwise, Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Sevendust, Scorpions, ACDC, Van Halen, Motley Crue (just to name just a few) are all in the same room rocking out and receiving REAL music awards. Coming from a music business background and working with real rock groups, it disappoints me the lack of rock and good music out there for young people to digest! I mean I… Continue Reading

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I’m a Rockstar: Bad Ass Blog Awards Finalist & Billboard Music Awards 2014

bad ass blog awards melansyguydlines

It is so ironic. Every time I am in Las Vegas to try and get some vacation –y time – this here blog is up for an award. I am so honored!!!! Hope I win this one as the title of the award is so fitting for the snarky goodness shared on this website. I was in Las Vegas during the Forbes Top 100 Female websites, Shorty Awards race and now have been selected as a finalist for the Bad Ass Blog Awards in the Best Sex, Dating and Relationship Blog. Thank you for the nominations that helped me advance… Continue Reading

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Surviving Beverly Hills: Rockstars & Bitches

Earlier this week, I was invited to a schmoozing event in Beverly Hills at the Four Seasons Hotel. I met some exciting people including chatting it up with Shirley Jones and Marty Ingel (just another evening hanging out with an Oscar winner and her comedian husband). They were great and he had me laughing! But, if I had a dollar for every time someone (especially older gentlemen) ask why I am still single or what I do working in social media, I would be filthy, stinking, snarking rich! So, I put Marty to the test and asked if he knows… Continue Reading

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