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Snarky Relationship & Social Media Tips from Vegas

By on January 7, 2014 in Relationships

I am deliriously typing this from Las Vegas and rocking out to Metallica on 92.3 KOMP (which is now giving me an aggressive burst of energy). So, please forgive me for the briefness and random nature of the post. I do love Las Vegas but unfortunately when people tell me that I will find love when I least expect it – they LIE! I have been here for almost 7 days, not looking and found nada. So – boo! Oh, and please stop asking single people, “Why are you still single?” because if you do, I give them all permission… Continue Reading

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Happy New Year 2014: With or Without Resolutions

By on December 31, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships
Happy New Year 2014: With or Without Resolutions

Happy New Year! Welcome 2014! I am so happy that I am not going to be hung-over, broke, waking up next to a goat or hungry from celebrating getting ripped off on New Years Eve (aka amateur hour). Not sure what the fascination is about going out to celebrate a day in the month of a calendar with 365 days? Yes, I realize that I sound like my parents. Cheers to getting another year older, wiser, and a little bit more in love with my couch. Shouldn’t we celebrate everyday? I know some of you reading this may be drunk,… Continue Reading

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Being Single for the Holidays-Yeah?!

By on December 23, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships
Being single for the holidays

  Happy holidays MG fans! Wishing you the most wonderful holiday (whatever holiday it is that you celebrate without offending you). A fellow blogger asked me to write a piece about what it is like being single during the holidays and  I know a thing or two about this topic (unfortunately or fortunately). Thanks Karen -for the great topic. This is one of my favorites!   In a perfect world I would love to have a kickass companion, boyfriend, mate, or husband along with a perfectly trained dog to spend the holidays with (aren’t they the same? No? Oh). In… Continue Reading

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Dating Hall of Shame VIP

By on December 16, 2013 in Relationships

Here is a SUPER special (I mean SPECIAL, but not in a good way) nod to this dipshit into the Dating Hall of Shame VIP Platinum club! I have to give this guy an A+ for effort and an F for being the F@#$#@ing most oblivious and annoying online and texting dater ever!  DUDE  – get a clue! I have not answered 1 text from you EVER and the first one here was dated back in September. If I didn’t live in LA, I would probably be married to a huge, successful, fantastic, man by now. We could be living… Continue Reading

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Happy Halloween aka Dress like a slut day!

By on October 30, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships
happy dress like a slut day

Ho Ho Ho – Don’t be a Ho on Halloween. It is not cute. For this blog post I am going to break down what to wear and what not to wear on Halloween in my YouTube video. I mean, if you are a slut you do not need to wait for Halloween to dress like one. But, please spare me the bikini tops when you are flat as a board unless you are signaling Ms. Miley Cyrus. Also, in this video I will address the well known “frienemy” epidemic which plagues most women. Don’t be one of them! Watch,… Continue Reading

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DatingAdvice.com: Me, An Expert?

By on October 24, 2013 in Relationships
Dating advice expert

This week has been insane for me but in a great way! This dating and relationship blogosphere is full of information, tips, advice, experts and people who think they are experts. I have learned so much and in no way claim to be an expert but feel that I am heading in that direction (especially when it come to dating this blog and not going on any real dates). What does it mean to be an expert on love and relationships anyway? We all have both of these things (hopefully) in our lives and are full of experiences both good… Continue Reading

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Online Dating: What Not To Do (Again & Again)

By on October 18, 2013 in Relationships

You all know that I have a plethora of online dating nightmare stories and it has not stopped but I have limited my reporting on such ridiculousness because it is depressing quite frankly. This one – I need to get off my chest. Please don’t make these mistakes while online dating or you will end up in the online dating nightmare category, which I should create on this here blog. The following are texts messages from a potential suitor from Sept 22, 2013 – Oct. 10, 2013 that went unanswered by me (I did answer the first week  but he… Continue Reading

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Online Dating Advice: Felony Melany Style

By on October 10, 2013 in Greatest Hits, Relationships
Melany Felony Online dating tips

It was a rainy day here in Los Angeles so I decided to play with YouTube a little more. There are so many instructional videos for your instructional video on how to make a YouTube video. They tell you what to do, what not to do, what lighting to use, that you should stand on your head and play a tuba while blowing another bubble out of your ass, wear a donkey suit with a big clown nose down to what to say and what not to say. It is overwhelming to say the least so I just say what… Continue Reading

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Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

By on October 4, 2013 in Relationships
Not a Certified Relationship Expert: Going Certifiably Insane Dating!

Since I started writing this blog, many people ask me so many questions regarding relationships, dating and online dating. I never said I was a certified expert in dating or relationships but I have a hell of a lot of experience in this arena (unfortunately)! I have dated every idiot from the top to the bottom of California (a little in Arizona, Washington, Texas, Florida and New York but who is keeping track?) and am looking for someone to save me from the horrible dating party and online dating predicament I am in! I am not a certified relationship expert… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines on YouTube – Snarky, Golden Nuggets of Twitter

By on October 3, 2013 in Relationships
Melanysguydline You tube

Hello people! So, I always said that I would never be in front of the camera. Well, I lied. I will admit it when I do. If I can’t criticize and make fun of myself then I should not be writing this snarky blog. Should I? I admit that my dating mishaps and relationship blunders are a good reason that I was given this outlet to spout, so why not put a face and voice to my golden nuggets of “guydlines” for you? Right? Welcome to the Melanysguydlines snarky world of YouTube. I am excited to show you this first try… Continue Reading

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Don’t Discount this Snarky, Blonde, Blogger!

By on September 30, 2013 in Relationships
I dont get no respect as a blogger

Last week, I attended social media week in Los Angeles and was not able to write a proper blog post for today.  It was an interesting experience.  I did however notice one thing. Most men did not take me seriously until they asked AJ (my social media ninja) what he did? When AJ responded that he worked for me, and “does anything she needs” the men were a lot more interested in what I had to say. Men – wake up! Attention – Blogs are important and don’t discount this snarky, blonde girl for a minute. You will need me… Continue Reading

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Funny Dating Advice: Tips From The Blogging Trenches

By on September 24, 2013 in Relationships
blogging isnt easy and dating isnt easy

Blogging is a lot like a relationship. There are many things to learn and it does not come easy. (Maybe I need to listen to my funny dating advice and learn from my own relationship tips-just a thought?) Anyway, blogging doesn’t just consist of writing alone just like dating does not consist of going out to dinner with no desert. Blogging and social media are very special relationships. Each blog and social medium has unique characteristics, which make him or her one of a kind and special. Special, like the way you are supposed make your date feel. Not all… Continue Reading

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