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Bodyguard or Photobomb?

By on April 21, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Lindsey Lohan

Living in southern California means a lot of things; we do yoga, juice cleanses, we’re ‘sooo chillllll’, but mostly it means that we get to see celebrities on the reg. It’s not unusual to see Justin Bieber speeding around Calabasas or Slash eating sushi at Katsuya. Well a couple weeks ago, I was lucky enough to spot the one and only, disheveled Lindsay Lohan partying at a club in San Diego. The good thing about being in with the industry is knowing the promoters, bouncers and all of the bottle services girls who have the inside scoop. I was out… Continue Reading

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The “Blondetourage” welcomes the Dark Side -Emily S.

By on April 18, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

There is more exciting news for Melanysguydlines.com this week! Not only were we chosen to be a part of Blogads Network; home to Perez Hilton, Lamebook, Dlisted, and Popoholic but we have added a new blogger. What makes our new blogger, Emily S. different from the rest? She is a brunette (but we won’t hold that against her because blondes totally have more fun) and she is a Los Angeles native. She brings us some juicy dirt on growing up in the entertainment business – the good, the bad, and the plain weird. We got along from the start as… Continue Reading

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I am dating my blog

By on April 16, 2013 in Relationships
Be nice or I will blog about you!

There are people who blog like scrapbooking and people who are working their ass off to TRY and make a living doing it. I never knew that you could make a living from blogging and started with Melanysguydlines.com as a creative and cathartic outlet. But, I really needed a job and guys, I have to make a living and Teddy is hungry. It is not as easy as you think. People ask me what I am doing and trust me – I am working 19+ hour days. I wake up to Melanysguydlines at 5:30 AM, we eat breakfast, shower, shit,… Continue Reading

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The Guidelines For a #Guydline

By on April 14, 2013 in Goodies
Guydlines for life.

What happens when you combine a tablespoon of snark, a dash of cynicism and heaps of truth?  You get a delicious little nugget of credence called the “Guydline”. Guydlines are theories rooted deeply in life’s greatest successes and failures.  They’re words to live by, wisdom to share, and if you can find a cool font or latin translation– perhaps something to permanently tattoo on your body. As my father would say, “Big hat, no cattle” or in other words “when they say they are, they are not” (and consider it a friendly warning to ALL of you not be taken… Continue Reading

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Don’t take a chance on dating reunion tours

By on April 11, 2013 in Relationships
not with my ex anymore

  After a quick look through the latest posts it is depressingly obvious that my dating life is non-existent due to the lack of material posted recently. I can’t remember the last time I was actually asked out. I get a lot of  “aren’t you worried that no one will ask you out because of your blog” and requests from guys from my past asking to meet for lunch but no follow up. I just don’t understand men today. Even if we are to become friends, shouldn’t you still follow up after the initial email? Are you all really scared… Continue Reading

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Oops I did it again…via text

By on April 10, 2013 in Relationships

Drunk dialing is never a good thing for dating or in any situation, no exceptions. I’m still waiting for some 15-year old computer super genius to create the “Breathalyzer app” that only allows me (and the rest of the 20 something population) the privilege of operating my iPhone only if I blow within the legal limit.  I am a firm believer that if I cannot legally drive a car, I should not be legally allowed to call or text anyone. While a late night drive-through or the DiGiorno in my freezer usually consumes my thoughts as my friends and I… Continue Reading

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Paranormal Movie Out Today: So funny it’s scary

By on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Paranormal Activity

“Hello – yeah, ummmm WHAT? You want to film a movie at my house, uhhhh YEAH –hello?’ True conversation that happened right before my life got weird(er) and Kevin Farley’s film, “Paranormal Movie” moved into my home. Yes, the entire movie and everyone in my house, with ME. The producers told me the movie was going to be easy and that they didn’t need to bother the city of Beverly Hills with “all that crap”. So, when I opened my front door and saw a Pepsi semi-trailer-truck in my driveway preparing to unload enough soda to quench the thirst of… Continue Reading

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Melanysguydlines.com Team: Snarky true life experts

By on April 9, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Snarky team of melanysguydlines.com

Yesterday, the Melanysguydlines.com team met for the fist time at the Roosevelt Hotel Pool in Hollywood for a windy and long lunch (with beer and grey goose sodas). I am so proud of what has been accomplished here in under a year! This process has been hard work but I am starting to see it pay off! I hope that you have enjoyed my journey thus far and continue to laugh with us about the stupidity of people, craziness of life, chaos of dating and navigating this totally trippy world with a huge helping of snark. Life is too hard… Continue Reading

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Matt’s Guydlines : Dating Dos and Don’ts From Someone Who Shouldn’t Date

By on April 8, 2013 in Relationships

It’s Sunday night and I’m caught in a deep internet rabbit hole.  You know, the kind of night where you spend two hours recollecting the demise of Pauly Shore or scaring yourself into believing that Andrew W.K. is the antichrist.  This time, it’s a much darker and more shameful place — checking up on ex-girlfriends on various forms of social media. This one has a new dog.  This one has a new….HUSBAND!?  I’m happy to see everyone’s moved on here…(Seriously Matt, it was junior year of high school.  Did you think she was going to propose to you sometime soon?)… Continue Reading

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MG’s house of snark: Welcomes intern Libby D

By on April 7, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky
Intern for Melanysguydlines

I am so proud to tell you all that the Melanysguydlines.com family is growing in leaps and bounds. Since I only lasted in my sorority for a week (because I didn’t care what way food needed to be passed around a table and was a horrible follower) it is only fitting that I have a pledge in the MG house. I am going to rush her like she should be rushed and groom her to be the best MG mini me ever! We hope that she can stay a while but are happy to have her for as long as… Continue Reading

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Weekend Preview : Final Four Primer

By on April 4, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

It’s been a long, ugly road to get here.  Between the lowest scoring output since 1985 (zzzz) and Kevin Ware treating us to a glance of his skeleton, you might have hopped off the March Madness bandwagon by this point.  I’m here to tell you to stick it out, because we have two killer matchups for Saturday in Atlanta.  Here’s the guydlines breakdown. (9) Wichita St. v (1) Louisville Saturday, April 6 3:09 PM PT  TV: CBS At this stage of the tournament, throw seeds out the window.  Actually, at any stage of the tournament, throw logic out the window.  Louisville… Continue Reading

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Foo Fighters: Wins for no talent, bad chops, & worst band name ever!

By on April 3, 2013 in Music Biz, Snarky

I was not impressed or excited to hear that Dave Grohl was talking and playing  SXSW in Austin, which is one of the biggest music festivals of the year. I just don’t get it. The rock n’ roll community needs to step up and embrace real musicians and good music. Just wander into any bar in Austin, and I guarantee you will find more talent than the Foo Fighters. I saw a girl weighing 95 lbs (soaking wet) rock a bar and schlep a bass around the perimeter for hours during her set. She sang too (and well). Or, what… Continue Reading

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