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Snarky Dating Tips and Advice: “Slow & Low That is the Tempo”

By on July 11, 2013 in Relationships
snarky dating tips image

Since now I am somewhat of an authority on snarky dating tips and advice, I thought I would make a little cheat sheet for SOME things that have come up a lot in my dating life. Read these tips and commit them to your brain. Keep them handy and if you ever doubt me – don’t. I have been there, done that and am trying to save you from unpleasant experiences people. K? Take my dating advice! When going on a date you should follow this snarky dating advice….. Consider the source and place where you met your date. Dog… Continue Reading

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Working Relationships in Hollywood: Top 12 things I LOL’d on the Boulevard

By on July 8, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

Each day, I am privileged to witness very strange relationships in Hollywood– oh LA, LA, land! Reviewing this list it is no wonder why I have so many online dating stories and remain single in the land of the stars. I am always surprised or maybe humorously entertained watching the people up and down the Boulevard. With these kinds of observations wouldn’t you want to live here? Or at least stay for a while? Promise you will never be bored and probably remain single as well. Let’s take a look at the top 12 snarky, funny things I was lucky… Continue Reading

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Worst date idea: 4th of July while shoving your face & doing other unattractive things

By on July 4, 2013 in Relationships

Happy Fourth of July to all of my Melanysguydlines.com readers! Thank you for your support and being the best readers ever! A few dating tips for you on this day of fireworks and bad eating! Always remember to stay snarky. Here are few reasons why the Fourth of July is not the best idea for a first date! Take these guydlines and trust me- I have experience in the dating arena (unfortunately). 1. Don’t ever use the pick up line “You want to make fireworks with me?” unless it is on Twitter because you can get away with saying anything… Continue Reading

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Trouble in Online dating part 2,233,557 – Drunk texting at 2AM

By on June 30, 2013 in Relationships

These things only happen to me right? Where do I get rid of my crazy magnet? Online dating is not fun or snarky – again! It sucks. Here is another reason (as if I needed another one). Let me set this up for you – A week ago, I log on to mydatenightmares.com to a really nice email from an equally as nice looking young man (holy shit it is a miracle, right?) So, I do not delay and send my number when he asks for it! And wait…. 1. Nice pics – (no come hither poses on beds or… Continue Reading

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Online Virtual Dating App: At First Sight- will you accept this rose?

By on June 28, 2013 in Relationships

I think I might have to eat my words and try this new dating app from Chris Harrison of “The Bachelor”. You know who he is right? You think he would know a little about dating after doing so many years on that show (which I don’t watch – but my mom loves it???) I obviously (unfortunately) know about dating and online dating nightmares which are not snarky or fun. But, lets weigh my options for trying this new dating app that was launched last week! Something has to work well eventually, right? The new dating app – fittingly called… Continue Reading

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Are you a video star? Enter for your chance to win up to $15,000 in CASH!

By on June 24, 2013 in Goodies

I get a lot of weird PR requests for the blog, Twitter and Facebook and it takes me a long time to go through all of them. Some of them are just ridiculous. Seriously –I will revisit this at another time. Talking about getting requests regarding topics like Hitler, aliens, fat burning wraps, bullying, depression, mental illness and so much more. I mean – do these PR people read my blog? Not snarky and not humorous topics. Do your research PR people. But, no matter how weird the request are I pride myself on replying to each and every one… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame

By on June 24, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

AllTwitter, AllFacebook, All Nerds Part 3: Don’t extinguish my flame For my last and final installment of the AllFacebook AllTwitter Social Media conference I will give a few snarky “guydlines” to the professionals on the panels. They need all the help they can get to try and keep these people attending the conference awake! I know this was a long-winded blog post series but these points needed to be made and I needed to make them! Come on? You know what I am talking about. I am totally OCD, ADD and forgot what the first post was about by now… Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 2 – Billy Idol should host the next one

By on June 21, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky

Here is the second installment for “guydlines” to the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Social Media Conference in San Francisco (first part here).….come on, if you are going to attend a social media conference and drop the dough (or have your boss drop the cash)  at least make it worth your while or pretend to be interested or just ACT like your interested. I mean you had to get dressed and go to the conference – don’t make it a wasted good makeup or great hair day.  Do something people – look alive. Tweeting incessantly during a lecture about Twitter is probably… Continue Reading

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Twitter Follower Appreciation pt. 2 : 5,000!

By on June 19, 2013 in Fans, Snarky
Twitter Birds

OK kids, as promised it’s time to throw a bone to the best friends a blog could ask for — our snarky Twitter followers!  Last month we put together a little thank you once we reached the 3,000 benchmark.  This time, you’ve stepped it up a notch with your love & loyalty, so we’ll reciprocate.  In 2013, so it’s only polite to throw heaps of praise at individuals we’ll never meet.  Did I develop crushes on some of you while I scoured your accounts for funny tweets? It’s possible…. Without further ado, our Melany’s Guydlines Twitter showcase, round 2. Five… Continue Reading

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You Can’t Wash This Potty Mouth Out With Soap

By on June 18, 2013 in LALA Land, Snarky

It’s 3 AM.  You’re tired, you’re groggy, and it feels like someone is hammering an ice pick into your bladder.  You stumble out of the comfort of your bed, wandering your hallway like zombie on Walking Dead.  You find the bathroom and find that familiar feel of cold porcelain against your derrière.  Then you drop, what feels like 20 feet, because someone left the seat up.  You’re lucky you’re over a toilet because your built in sprinkler system might have gone off.  The truth is, stories like this occur everyday.  And those suffering PTTE, post-traumatic toilet experience, are wondering if… Continue Reading

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Snarky thank you to you snarky bitches!

By on June 17, 2013 in Fans, Snarky

Well, I made it through another birthday celebration with only 1 more wrinkle, right? Life has been a crazy roller coaster ride and I am not sure which out of my 9 lives I am on, but they are getting more entertaining each and every day. Thank you again for all the love and snarky support for my blog! You all rock! I know that I have a lot of pics of Mel G on here so I thought I would invite you to see some actual photos of my friends and moi. Oh, and some kick ass shoes too…. Continue Reading

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AllTwitter, AllFacebook, ALL Nerds Part 1 – #nerdsdoitbetter or not?

By on June 13, 2013 in Dummies, Snarky
Not paying attention at the conference.

I decided to take a break from LALA land to attend the AllFacebook and AllTwitter Marketing conference in the land of people who make too much money and feel extremely entitled (a.k.a. I would never touch them with a 10 foot pole because I am not attracted to nerds who are assholes because they were so nerdy when they were young and have to overcompensate now that they have money) or the social media community. After spending almost a week in San Francisco I did not conclude that in fact #nerdsdoitbetter. They just don’t. I thought I should give you… Continue Reading

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